Why You’re Probably Doing Life Wrong (And It’s Not Your Fault)
Spoiler alert: The answer isn’t another bloody self-help book.
Right, let’s talk about something that’s going to sound completely mental at first.
You know how everyone’s obsessed with “fixing themselves” these days? Instagram stories full of morning routines, LinkedIn posts about crushing goals solo, endless podcasts about optimising your mindset?
Yeah, well, we’re all getting it spectacularly wrong.
The Thing Nobody Tells You About Being Human
Here’s what I’ve figured out after years of trying to sort my life out on my own… humans are basically useless when left to their own devices.
And before you get offended, hear me out.
We literally evolved in tribes. Our brains are wired to look around and think “who’s my people?” and “what would they do?” Even when you’re sat alone binge-watching Netflix, you’re still being shaped by what you think your mum would say about your life choices, or what your mates would think if they knew you’ve eaten cereal for dinner three nights running.
Yet here we are in 2025, convinced we’re supposed to be these independent warriors conquering life solo. It’s like trying to play football by yourself and wondering why it’s not working.
Why Your Self-Help Addiction Isn’t Working
Walk into any bookshop (do they still exist?) and the self-help section is massive. “Change Your Mind, Change Your Life.” “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Who Probably Don’t Have Kids.” “Think Positive Thoughts While Your World Burns Down.”
But here’s the plot twist… most of these books have maybe one chapter about other people, buried at the back like an afterthought.
Meanwhile, the thing that actually changes your life? The people around you. The groups you’re part of. The communities that make certain behaviours feel normal instead of impossible.
It’s like we’ve been trying to learn swimming by reading about it instead of jumping in the pool with other people who actually know how to not drown.
The Science Bit (Don’t Worry, I’ll Keep It Simple)
There’s this researcher who talks about how your identity gets shaped by groups, and he puts it perfectly: “I am not who I think I am. I am not who you think I am. I am who I think you think I am.”
Read that again. It’s properly mind-bending.
Basically, you’re constantly adjusting your behaviour based on what you think your people expect from you. Which means if you want to change something about yourself, the fastest way isn’t to lock yourself in a room with a vision board. It’s to find people who are already living the way you want to live.
This is why joining a community (like my intentional breath space – shameless plug) actually works when your solo meditation app doesn’t.
What Happens When You Find Your People
So I’ve got beautiful humans in our WhatsApp group, all committed to conscious breathing. And here’s what’s mental about it.
When you’re surrounded by people who think taking five minutes to breathe properly is normal (not weird), guess what becomes normal for you too?
When someone shares how breathwork helped them through a panic attack, and three other people chime in with their own stories, suddenly you’re not the odd one out for caring about this stuff.
When you see someone post about their breakthrough moment, you start believing your own breakthrough is possible.
It’s like having people constantly proving to you that transformation isn’t some unicorn thing that only happens to other people.
The Ripple Effect That Actually Matters
Here’s where it gets really good. When you start showing up differently – calmer, more present, less likely to lose your shit over minor annoyances… people notice.
Your partner stops walking on eggshells when you’re stressed. Your kids see you handling problems without losing the plot. Your colleagues wonder why you’re not joining in the daily panic spiral about deadlines.
You become living proof that there’s another way to be human. And that’s how change actually spreads, not through preaching or posting inspirational quotes, but through people witnessing someone they know living differently.
Why I’m Building This Thing
Look, I could have just kept doing my breathing practice alone in my bedroom. But that would be like having an amazing recipe and never sharing it.
Our community isn’t some fluffy “good vibes only” space. It’s 60 real people dealing with real life – anxiety, work stress, relationship drama, parenting chaos, health scares, all of it. But we’re doing it whilst actually breathing properly and supporting each other through the mess.
Because here’s what nobody talks about… transformation is actually quite boring when you do it alone. It’s in community where it becomes interesting, sustainable, and way more fun.
The Uncomfortable Truth
Every person complaining about feeling isolated, anxious, or stuck has one thing in common… they’re trying to solve it by themselves.
It’s like being hungry and standing outside a restaurant reading the menu instead of going in and eating with people.
The solution to feeling disconnected isn’t more self-improvement. It’s more connection.
Not surface-level networking or collecting Instagram followers. Real connection with real people around something that actually matters.
What I’m Really Saying Here
If you’re tired of trying to fix yourself in isolation, maybe it’s time to try something different.
Join a community. Find your people. Stop pretending you’re supposed to have it all figured out on your own.
Because the importance of community is way beyond what anyone can imagine. It’s not just nice to have support, it literally rewires your brain, changes what feels possible, and makes the impossible feel inevitable.
Our intentional breath space is just one option. But for God’s sake, find somewhere you belong. Life’s too short and too weird to do it alone.
Ready to stop trying to figure it out solo? Come breathe with us. It’s less scary than it sounds, and more transformative than you think. Hit me up 🤙
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What’s the last group that made you feel like you properly belonged? And what’s stopping you from finding that again? Let me know in the comments – I read every single one.
Big Love,
Dino